Where to start. I'm not going to go into detail, but I hate Cefco and as soon as I find another job, I'm out of there. I'm being treated TERRIBLY by my coworkers, managers, and the majority of my customers. My mental health is a huge priority to me, and working there has damaged my mind a whole bunch. So, today I am going to run around town and fill out some more job applications. If I can't find another job within the next month, I have no choice but to leave Cefco because of how it's making me feel. It's miserable.
I am still working at Cracker Barrel! I've decided to stay there as long as my two schedules always work out. They've been going smoothly, however I do have some days where I have to work Cefco in the morning, then turn around and close at Cracker Barrel. I'm actually really glad I decided to stay with Cracker Barrel, too. Most everyone at Cefco treats me horribly, but when I go to Cracker Barrel, everyone is friendly and nice to me. I only work there a few nights a week but when I'm there I feel like it's a time to breathe and be around people who always make me smile. The entire crew up there is just awesome and I still can't believe that I almost quit! Lol
I've also been worried about my physical health lately, too. Working two jobs, it's hard to pay attention to my appetite, especially with the stress I'm going through. I've only been eating once a day, if not at all and it's kind of worrying me. For the past few days I've literally been forcing myself to eat because I wasn't. Just the thought of food made me feel ill and I could barely eat two bites of anything. I had a really bad night at Cefco a few days ago and my blood sugar got dangerously low, so when I got home my cousin forced me to eat. I ended up scarfing down my food and was surprised at how hungry I was. I was scared of myself, my thoughts that night. Me not eating like this is bothering me, but on my days off from work I do feel like it's easier to eat now. I know I'm losing weight because my pants are growing and I'm walking to and from work on occasion. Sadly though, I feel tired a lot. I have insomnia and sleep apnea on top of the stress and depression, and on my days off I'm sleeping up to 18 hours straight. Then when I wake up, I'm still exhausted and I feel blah.
I'm going to give credit to my friends and family. They've truly been a huge help with me through all of this mess; visiting me at work for a quick hug and bringing me a card just to make me smile, supporting me with kind words online, etc. I can't thank any of you guys enough, whether I talk with you often or not, because you're all keeping me here and sane enough to function. I miss my social life and wish we didn't have to hang out at my work, but seeing my loved ones really bring me up.
On a more positive note, I am one step closer to moving in with Matt! I can't leave yet because I'm helping my aunt with bills until both of my cousins get their own jobs. Today, one of my cousin's started working at her new job! I hope to be moving in with Matt before the summer, but at least Ive finally decided I'm actually going to move in with him. Matt has also really been helping me. He comforts me when he visits at work and when I visit his apartment he spoils me with food, we play video games and watch movies and cuddle owo His apartment is in an awesome, very quiet neighborhood and I love to visit and relax there. Last time I visited, I literally slept the entire time. lol So I really am loving it there and I can't wait to move in!
Oh, and San Japan. I'm still leaning toward that I am going this year! My paychecks are doing better, despite all the crap at work. I really really want to put together a Rose Quartz cosplay but for sure I will be in my lolita one day. I'll post more on that as soon as I know!
Thank you to those who read all of this. I miss you all and sorry I can't post as often anymore! I need to draw some more.
Listening to: You breathe
Reading: What I'm typing
Watching: My fingers, as I type
Playing: The game (you lost it)
Eating: Hot Pockets