Journals80
Newest
2018 Life Update
9 min read
Well I know my last journal post was in 2016 when I was with Cefco... I ended up leaving them for Subway. Found a really cool, busy, full-time job with a few friends from high school. It's a mile away from home so I was willing to make the walk back and forth every day, despite it ruining my knees.
I don't mean to brag, but yes I do: The customers loved me; I was known as "Smiley" and "Sunshine". People came in and said they were only there because I was super smiley, kind to everyone, and I make really good food! I was getting complaints about my other coworkers and those people still came in just to see me. It felt wonderful! I was building up an awesome reference for my resumes, working hard, I even made it up to the main shift leader and weekend manager/trainer! They kept me for almost two full years so it's the longest I've ever been with a company...
Unfortunately the store was very old; in fact it was the first Subway in my hometown ever built (20+ years ago) and it has NEVER been renovated. The building it is located in is literally falling apart; ceiling tiles are missing due to leaks over the back food storage area, there was a constant leak where the napkins were stored under a sink, the ice machine and tea machine was out of order for various reasons on multiple occasions. Month-expired food and drinks were being served and dirty dishes used. The tomatoes and onions came on the truck busted and moldy, and I was getting in trouble for throwing away day old bread because it was hard.
Many times I would show up to work 2 hours after opening, so the managers (who are also dating btw) have been there 3 hours and prep hasn't even been halfway finished. Unopened food sat out on the prep tables while the two meandered around or sat in the office on their phones. I usually had to finish what they have leftover as well as help every customer that come in by myself, until I go to the office to ask for help with the line and find them scrolling through Facebook. Lots of times we were running out of food because not enough was ordered, or the excuse is "we forgot", so of course the customers are upset with me and they want to know why we didn't have those products are available to serve. I agree they have every right to know why, so I told them!
Now before I began opening up to my customers about my situation, I did confront a manager from another district, the marketing and maintenance manager, and the general manager. Between this group including the two managers I had, everyone was either related, dating, or really good friends, which isn't my concern but it did bring much bias into my confrontations. They all made excuses for each other and most of the time it was, "they already finished their part of the job so they have the right to sit in the office. Plus they're probably working in there, too." But I have never seen them sitting in the office doing work on their phones. They are scrolling through Facebook, talking, dancing or play-fighting.
I wanted to make our store a better place and the people who needed to help most were only helping me the least. I was still learning new things every day, even if it was negative things. I did everything I personally could have to make it better, but I didn't have the authority to do more.
During all of this over time, my customers became more and more quiet. It happened rather fast; every customer seemed so attached to their phones and I was being ignored most of the time. People made me hold their phones and talk to people who want to order from home, or instead of responding after I greet them they just hold their phones in my face with a very vague text on what they want, just long enough for me to get a glance before that text is closed and they're staring back at the screen. So I have to wait for them to open it up when I need to see it again and that's when people finally open their mouths, to yell at me! Or when I get to finishing their sandwich and they are ignoring me, I just ask if they want anything else and they say no so I wrap their food; then when I've already taken off my gloves, they put down their phone and ask me to unwrap their food and add something else. Which is my fault because clearly they told me everything they wanted. Not.
About a year-and-a-half into working, walking back and forth every day, losing sleep, getting hit by depression, I needed a break, so I asked off the entire month of June this year. I said I would return with a driver's license and I would be back better than ever after getting some mental weight off of my shoulders. Instead they let me go, because, and I quote, "we're tired of your shit". The managers got tired of hearing me tell the customers why our store was falling apart and why we didn't have the products that they didn't order. They wanted a "fresh start" is what I was told, and so that's where that went.
Quick rewind to October/November 2017, my grandfather passed away. I barely knew the man so it didn't affect me until his son, my dad, passed just two weeks after my grandfather's cremation. Not even a week after my dad's 43rd birthday and he went into a diabetic seizure while getting ready to leave for work one morning. It was expected, to be honest. He'd been abusing his insulin since before he had my brother and myself, and everyone in his life warned him that eventually he would end up killing himself... That's as much as I really /can/ cope to talk about with that for now.
I turned 21 at the end of June this year and had a pretty good birthday party! Unfortunately my mom's car broke down while visiting mid-July for the party so we had to ask friends for rides to and from there. Mom would have been my designated driver but at least we made it home safe. Her car is in my hometown at the shop, and she's trying to figure out how to get rid of it and also be able to keep the tires that I gave her a loan for last year. I haven't seen my mom in half a month and that might sound silly but my mom visits like every few weeks and I know it's going to hit that point soon where I'm really sad and miss her. She's the only person that actually enjoys coming over to spend time with Matt and I, and she doesn't care that we don't have TV/internet/video games.
So June to current, I'm jobless. Probably too late to claim Unemployment so I'm running on my savings, unfortunately I got myself into a huge sap of depression and literally became a hermit. I didn't leave the house for weeks and wasn't eating anything. Poor Matt was going hungry because I just didn't think about food and he didn't want to bring it up. He quit his job in February because honestly it was one of the most toxic places to be and I shouldn't have even suggested Cefco to him. We are slowly getting the help we need to get our driver's permits. Most of our issue is transportation to get the things required for a TX Permit/DL. Most everyone in the family keeps bugging us that we need to get them but refuse to help us. It's gotten to the point where they won't even communicate with us anymore because we're failures according to them. We're stuck for now but slowly wiggling out of that hole...
Matt and I are holding strong, in fact through this rough time we have never been closer. Surprisingly we get along quite well; or it could be the fact that we're the only people we really have left to talk with. We goob a lot about a variety of things from silly jokes to serious plans for our future, and we enjoy each other's company so much that we haven't grown bored or tired of each other. I feel so happy to be with him and so grateful that he's stuck with me through all of this. I've definitely fallen in love, whether it was 7 years ago when we met or recently I couldn't say but I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with my best friend.
This week I am riding a bipolar high, and I know it will hit hard when the fun ends but I will enjoy it while it lasts. Right now I am participating in the Greatest International Scavenger Hunt (GISH), formerly known as Gishwhes. I can't tell much about that right now because we can't post most of our pictures/videos until after the hunt is over, but if you want to read into it go to www.gish.com . We are very busy saving lives and making the world a better, weirder place.
This weekend I will be returning to the Second Annual Bell County Comic Con as my original Dystopia Rising LARP character, Doctor Missy "Party Hats" Moonshine-Fairfield, the loudest dying King's Court Merican, Trenchcoat, One-Armed Bandit, Doctor, and town Drunk! As well as Moonshine, I will be bringing in a newer, better homemade Amethyst (Steven Universe) cosplay this year. I am also going to my very first CTC Geekfest with my friend Lolli, who is allowing me to wear one of her fursuits, Cali the Cat!
I don't mean to brag, but yes I do: The customers loved me; I was known as "Smiley" and "Sunshine". People came in and said they were only there because I was super smiley, kind to everyone, and I make really good food! I was getting complaints about my other coworkers and those people still came in just to see me. It felt wonderful! I was building up an awesome reference for my resumes, working hard, I even made it up to the main shift leader and weekend manager/trainer! They kept me for almost two full years so it's the longest I've ever been with a company...
Unfortunately the store was very old; in fact it was the first Subway in my hometown ever built (20+ years ago) and it has NEVER been renovated. The building it is located in is literally falling apart; ceiling tiles are missing due to leaks over the back food storage area, there was a constant leak where the napkins were stored under a sink, the ice machine and tea machine was out of order for various reasons on multiple occasions. Month-expired food and drinks were being served and dirty dishes used. The tomatoes and onions came on the truck busted and moldy, and I was getting in trouble for throwing away day old bread because it was hard.
Many times I would show up to work 2 hours after opening, so the managers (who are also dating btw) have been there 3 hours and prep hasn't even been halfway finished. Unopened food sat out on the prep tables while the two meandered around or sat in the office on their phones. I usually had to finish what they have leftover as well as help every customer that come in by myself, until I go to the office to ask for help with the line and find them scrolling through Facebook. Lots of times we were running out of food because not enough was ordered, or the excuse is "we forgot", so of course the customers are upset with me and they want to know why we didn't have those products are available to serve. I agree they have every right to know why, so I told them!
Now before I began opening up to my customers about my situation, I did confront a manager from another district, the marketing and maintenance manager, and the general manager. Between this group including the two managers I had, everyone was either related, dating, or really good friends, which isn't my concern but it did bring much bias into my confrontations. They all made excuses for each other and most of the time it was, "they already finished their part of the job so they have the right to sit in the office. Plus they're probably working in there, too." But I have never seen them sitting in the office doing work on their phones. They are scrolling through Facebook, talking, dancing or play-fighting.
I wanted to make our store a better place and the people who needed to help most were only helping me the least. I was still learning new things every day, even if it was negative things. I did everything I personally could have to make it better, but I didn't have the authority to do more.
During all of this over time, my customers became more and more quiet. It happened rather fast; every customer seemed so attached to their phones and I was being ignored most of the time. People made me hold their phones and talk to people who want to order from home, or instead of responding after I greet them they just hold their phones in my face with a very vague text on what they want, just long enough for me to get a glance before that text is closed and they're staring back at the screen. So I have to wait for them to open it up when I need to see it again and that's when people finally open their mouths, to yell at me! Or when I get to finishing their sandwich and they are ignoring me, I just ask if they want anything else and they say no so I wrap their food; then when I've already taken off my gloves, they put down their phone and ask me to unwrap their food and add something else. Which is my fault because clearly they told me everything they wanted. Not.
About a year-and-a-half into working, walking back and forth every day, losing sleep, getting hit by depression, I needed a break, so I asked off the entire month of June this year. I said I would return with a driver's license and I would be back better than ever after getting some mental weight off of my shoulders. Instead they let me go, because, and I quote, "we're tired of your shit". The managers got tired of hearing me tell the customers why our store was falling apart and why we didn't have the products that they didn't order. They wanted a "fresh start" is what I was told, and so that's where that went.
Quick rewind to October/November 2017, my grandfather passed away. I barely knew the man so it didn't affect me until his son, my dad, passed just two weeks after my grandfather's cremation. Not even a week after my dad's 43rd birthday and he went into a diabetic seizure while getting ready to leave for work one morning. It was expected, to be honest. He'd been abusing his insulin since before he had my brother and myself, and everyone in his life warned him that eventually he would end up killing himself... That's as much as I really /can/ cope to talk about with that for now.
I turned 21 at the end of June this year and had a pretty good birthday party! Unfortunately my mom's car broke down while visiting mid-July for the party so we had to ask friends for rides to and from there. Mom would have been my designated driver but at least we made it home safe. Her car is in my hometown at the shop, and she's trying to figure out how to get rid of it and also be able to keep the tires that I gave her a loan for last year. I haven't seen my mom in half a month and that might sound silly but my mom visits like every few weeks and I know it's going to hit that point soon where I'm really sad and miss her. She's the only person that actually enjoys coming over to spend time with Matt and I, and she doesn't care that we don't have TV/internet/video games.
So June to current, I'm jobless. Probably too late to claim Unemployment so I'm running on my savings, unfortunately I got myself into a huge sap of depression and literally became a hermit. I didn't leave the house for weeks and wasn't eating anything. Poor Matt was going hungry because I just didn't think about food and he didn't want to bring it up. He quit his job in February because honestly it was one of the most toxic places to be and I shouldn't have even suggested Cefco to him. We are slowly getting the help we need to get our driver's permits. Most of our issue is transportation to get the things required for a TX Permit/DL. Most everyone in the family keeps bugging us that we need to get them but refuse to help us. It's gotten to the point where they won't even communicate with us anymore because we're failures according to them. We're stuck for now but slowly wiggling out of that hole...
Matt and I are holding strong, in fact through this rough time we have never been closer. Surprisingly we get along quite well; or it could be the fact that we're the only people we really have left to talk with. We goob a lot about a variety of things from silly jokes to serious plans for our future, and we enjoy each other's company so much that we haven't grown bored or tired of each other. I feel so happy to be with him and so grateful that he's stuck with me through all of this. I've definitely fallen in love, whether it was 7 years ago when we met or recently I couldn't say but I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with my best friend.
This week I am riding a bipolar high, and I know it will hit hard when the fun ends but I will enjoy it while it lasts. Right now I am participating in the Greatest International Scavenger Hunt (GISH), formerly known as Gishwhes. I can't tell much about that right now because we can't post most of our pictures/videos until after the hunt is over, but if you want to read into it go to www.gish.com . We are very busy saving lives and making the world a better, weirder place.
This weekend I will be returning to the Second Annual Bell County Comic Con as my original Dystopia Rising LARP character, Doctor Missy "Party Hats" Moonshine-Fairfield, the loudest dying King's Court Merican, Trenchcoat, One-Armed Bandit, Doctor, and town Drunk! As well as Moonshine, I will be bringing in a newer, better homemade Amethyst (Steven Universe) cosplay this year. I am also going to my very first CTC Geekfest with my friend Lolli, who is allowing me to wear one of her fursuits, Cali the Cat!
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Life is hitting hard.
4 min read
Where to start. I'm not going to go into detail, but I hate Cefco and as soon as I find another job, I'm out of there. I'm being treated TERRIBLY by my coworkers, managers, and the majority of my customers. My mental health is a huge priority to me, and working there has damaged my mind a whole bunch. So, today I am going to run around town and fill out some more job applications. If I can't find another job within the next month, I have no choice but to leave Cefco because of how it's making me feel. It's miserable.
I am still working at Cracker Barrel! I've decided to stay there as long as my two schedules always work out. They've been going smoothly, however I do have some days where I have to work Cefco in the morning, then turn around and close at Cracker Barrel. I'm actually really glad I decided to stay with Cracker Barrel, too. Most everyone at Cefco treats me horribly, but when I go to Cracker Barrel, everyone is friendly and nice to me. I only work there a few nights a week but when I'm there I feel like it's a time to breathe and be around people who always make me smile. The entire crew up there is just awesome and I still can't believe that I almost quit! Lol
I've also been worried about my physical health lately, too. Working two jobs, it's hard to pay attention to my appetite, especially with the stress I'm going through. I've only been eating once a day, if not at all and it's kind of worrying me. For the past few days I've literally been forcing myself to eat because I wasn't. Just the thought of food made me feel ill and I could barely eat two bites of anything. I had a really bad night at Cefco a few days ago and my blood sugar got dangerously low, so when I got home my cousin forced me to eat. I ended up scarfing down my food and was surprised at how hungry I was. I was scared of myself, my thoughts that night. Me not eating like this is bothering me, but on my days off from work I do feel like it's easier to eat now. I know I'm losing weight because my pants are growing and I'm walking to and from work on occasion. Sadly though, I feel tired a lot. I have insomnia and sleep apnea on top of the stress and depression, and on my days off I'm sleeping up to 18 hours straight. Then when I wake up, I'm still exhausted and I feel blah.
I'm going to give credit to my friends and family. They've truly been a huge help with me through all of this mess; visiting me at work for a quick hug and bringing me a card just to make me smile, supporting me with kind words online, etc. I can't thank any of you guys enough, whether I talk with you often or not, because you're all keeping me here and sane enough to function. I miss my social life and wish we didn't have to hang out at my work, but seeing my loved ones really bring me up.
On a more positive note, I am one step closer to moving in with Matt! I can't leave yet because I'm helping my aunt with bills until both of my cousins get their own jobs. Today, one of my cousin's started working at her new job! I hope to be moving in with Matt before the summer, but at least Ive finally decided I'm actually going to move in with him. Matt has also really been helping me. He comforts me when he visits at work and when I visit his apartment he spoils me with food, we play video games and watch movies and cuddle owo His apartment is in an awesome, very quiet neighborhood and I love to visit and relax there. Last time I visited, I literally slept the entire time. lol So I really am loving it there and I can't wait to move in!
Oh, and San Japan. I'm still leaning toward that I am going this year! My paychecks are doing better, despite all the crap at work. I really really want to put together a Rose Quartz cosplay but for sure I will be in my lolita one day. I'll post more on that as soon as I know!
Thank you to those who read all of this. I miss you all and sorry I can't post as often anymore! I need to draw some more.
I am still working at Cracker Barrel! I've decided to stay there as long as my two schedules always work out. They've been going smoothly, however I do have some days where I have to work Cefco in the morning, then turn around and close at Cracker Barrel. I'm actually really glad I decided to stay with Cracker Barrel, too. Most everyone at Cefco treats me horribly, but when I go to Cracker Barrel, everyone is friendly and nice to me. I only work there a few nights a week but when I'm there I feel like it's a time to breathe and be around people who always make me smile. The entire crew up there is just awesome and I still can't believe that I almost quit! Lol
I've also been worried about my physical health lately, too. Working two jobs, it's hard to pay attention to my appetite, especially with the stress I'm going through. I've only been eating once a day, if not at all and it's kind of worrying me. For the past few days I've literally been forcing myself to eat because I wasn't. Just the thought of food made me feel ill and I could barely eat two bites of anything. I had a really bad night at Cefco a few days ago and my blood sugar got dangerously low, so when I got home my cousin forced me to eat. I ended up scarfing down my food and was surprised at how hungry I was. I was scared of myself, my thoughts that night. Me not eating like this is bothering me, but on my days off from work I do feel like it's easier to eat now. I know I'm losing weight because my pants are growing and I'm walking to and from work on occasion. Sadly though, I feel tired a lot. I have insomnia and sleep apnea on top of the stress and depression, and on my days off I'm sleeping up to 18 hours straight. Then when I wake up, I'm still exhausted and I feel blah.
I'm going to give credit to my friends and family. They've truly been a huge help with me through all of this mess; visiting me at work for a quick hug and bringing me a card just to make me smile, supporting me with kind words online, etc. I can't thank any of you guys enough, whether I talk with you often or not, because you're all keeping me here and sane enough to function. I miss my social life and wish we didn't have to hang out at my work, but seeing my loved ones really bring me up.
On a more positive note, I am one step closer to moving in with Matt! I can't leave yet because I'm helping my aunt with bills until both of my cousins get their own jobs. Today, one of my cousin's started working at her new job! I hope to be moving in with Matt before the summer, but at least Ive finally decided I'm actually going to move in with him. Matt has also really been helping me. He comforts me when he visits at work and when I visit his apartment he spoils me with food, we play video games and watch movies and cuddle owo His apartment is in an awesome, very quiet neighborhood and I love to visit and relax there. Last time I visited, I literally slept the entire time. lol So I really am loving it there and I can't wait to move in!
Oh, and San Japan. I'm still leaning toward that I am going this year! My paychecks are doing better, despite all the crap at work. I really really want to put together a Rose Quartz cosplay but for sure I will be in my lolita one day. I'll post more on that as soon as I know!
Thank you to those who read all of this. I miss you all and sorry I can't post as often anymore! I need to draw some more.
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Busy, busy, busy
3 min read
I'm still working at Cracker Barrel for now, but I've been having serious (but normal, for a teenager fresh into the work force) financial issues and I couldn't afford to stay. Soon, I will be putting in my notice to leave Cracker Barrel, but I do plan to work there during holidays, at least. ^^
I just got my second job at Cefco here, and I am a cashier, or a "star"! Today was my first day in training and it went way better than I was expecting. I already like it over there and I hope it stays that way.
So currently I'm working two jobs and I am exhausted already! However I am looking forward to these paychecks. Lol
(If anyone reads these), I haven't told many people that I recently moved in with my aunt and two cousins. I'm just across town from where I was staying before. Tomorrow we are finally getting our dryer!
Okay, on to the fun stuff that's keeping me busy as well. I have joined a Live Action Role Play (LARP) group called Dystopia Rising! However I can't say much else about it because I haven't been able to make it to any games yet, but I am looking forward to it soon, I hope. I've met a lot of people in DR already so I feel welcome, and I'm so excited to make some cool nerd friends!
So my friend has a lot of savings and she owns a crap ton of land, but what she's using it for is really great. She's going to build a community of tiny houses with a big farm, and she's going to let people who need financial help stay in these houses and eat the produce from the farm for much cheaper prices. My point in all this is that she wants me to help build the houses and I just feel really great for being a part of what my friend is investing in. She's going to change a lot of lives and I feel like I'm part of it. c:
Okay, I gotta brag on Matt! This awesome young man just recently got his very own apartment, and it looks nice. ^^ He had his first job interview today, so hopefully soon he will have his first job at HEB! Matt also invited me to move in with him in his apartment, and I'm honestly considering it. It'd be at least a month before I make my decision though, and he said that's okay if I want to wait. I'm nervous about leaving my aunt and cousins with less money than we already don't have, and I still need rides to Cracker Barrel. And then there's the whole idea of moving in with my boyfriend. I love him to death and he's my high school sweetheart, but I really am nervous about moving in with him just because of the idea of living with a boyfriend xD So he said I could do a few "trials" and stay a couple nights here and there to see how that goes. I got to spend the night with him for the first time last week and it went very well, so I'm feeling a little better. Lol
As far as I can think, that should be it with what I've been up to! I'm exhausted lately, but it will pay off. I can't be let down by adulthood.
Thanks for reading if anyone did~
I just got my second job at Cefco here, and I am a cashier, or a "star"! Today was my first day in training and it went way better than I was expecting. I already like it over there and I hope it stays that way.
So currently I'm working two jobs and I am exhausted already! However I am looking forward to these paychecks. Lol
(If anyone reads these), I haven't told many people that I recently moved in with my aunt and two cousins. I'm just across town from where I was staying before. Tomorrow we are finally getting our dryer!
Okay, on to the fun stuff that's keeping me busy as well. I have joined a Live Action Role Play (LARP) group called Dystopia Rising! However I can't say much else about it because I haven't been able to make it to any games yet, but I am looking forward to it soon, I hope. I've met a lot of people in DR already so I feel welcome, and I'm so excited to make some cool nerd friends!
So my friend has a lot of savings and she owns a crap ton of land, but what she's using it for is really great. She's going to build a community of tiny houses with a big farm, and she's going to let people who need financial help stay in these houses and eat the produce from the farm for much cheaper prices. My point in all this is that she wants me to help build the houses and I just feel really great for being a part of what my friend is investing in. She's going to change a lot of lives and I feel like I'm part of it. c:
Okay, I gotta brag on Matt! This awesome young man just recently got his very own apartment, and it looks nice. ^^ He had his first job interview today, so hopefully soon he will have his first job at HEB! Matt also invited me to move in with him in his apartment, and I'm honestly considering it. It'd be at least a month before I make my decision though, and he said that's okay if I want to wait. I'm nervous about leaving my aunt and cousins with less money than we already don't have, and I still need rides to Cracker Barrel. And then there's the whole idea of moving in with my boyfriend. I love him to death and he's my high school sweetheart, but I really am nervous about moving in with him just because of the idea of living with a boyfriend xD So he said I could do a few "trials" and stay a couple nights here and there to see how that goes. I got to spend the night with him for the first time last week and it went very well, so I'm feeling a little better. Lol
As far as I can think, that should be it with what I've been up to! I'm exhausted lately, but it will pay off. I can't be let down by adulthood.
Thanks for reading if anyone did~
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My first party
1 min read
Yep! Besides birthday parties thrown by friends and family, I have never been to a party.
I'm kinda nervous, honestly. And I know I should feel safe because I know a couple people who'll be there. It's a LARPing group's new year's party, so I know I'll be with my people.
I just hope I don't feel too anxious about meeting so many new people at once, and I hope they like me QAQ
I'm kinda nervous, honestly. And I know I should feel safe because I know a couple people who'll be there. It's a LARPing group's new year's party, so I know I'll be with my people.
I just hope I don't feel too anxious about meeting so many new people at once, and I hope they like me QAQ
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Got my first job!
1 min read
Yep! I started my first day yesterday at Cracker Barrel. c:
It was only orientation but that's still awesome! I have to go back tomorrow to do some computer training and then I actually get to do hands-on training starting Monday! I'm so excited. owo
And I'm already making friends, I love it. This is a really great first job to have. ^^
Also I got my Ron Jon gift card in the mail! I'm gonna get a backpack for college and maybe a patch for my letter jacket.
It was only orientation but that's still awesome! I have to go back tomorrow to do some computer training and then I actually get to do hands-on training starting Monday! I'm so excited. owo
And I'm already making friends, I love it. This is a really great first job to have. ^^
Also I got my Ron Jon gift card in the mail! I'm gonna get a backpack for college and maybe a patch for my letter jacket.
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